A Few Thoughts for Singles

I read about a dating service called Just Coffee. You can have a cup of coffee with someone without being stuck in an entire dinner escapade. If you take one look at the person and don’t like him or her, then you can order a really small espresso.

But instead of Just Coffee, how about Just Church? Instead of meeting for coffee, why not suggest that you meet at church? You can have coffee afterward. That will narrow down the field a bit.

Here’s what you don’t want to do. You don’t want to get involved with a nonbeliever, because you will end up married to a nonbeliever. This happens far too often. I have met people who tell me, “I’m not happy in my marriage. He [or she] is not a Christian.”

When I ask why they married a nonbeliever, they tell me their husband or wife claimed to be a Christian when they got married.

My question is, was there any evidence of it? Just because someone says they are a Christian doesn’t mean they are.

The apostle Paul wrote to the church in Corinth, “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God” (2 Corinthians 6:14–16 NLT).

Here’s what will happen when you get involved with a nonbeliever. In most cases the believer will not pull the nonbeliever up to faith; the nonbeliever will pull the believer down. That is why it’s a trap and something Christians should avoid.

A single Christian needs the Holy Spirit’s power to be the person God has called him or her to be. This is true of the Christian life as well. We can try so hard to not do this and not do that. But the Bible tells us, “Let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions” (Galatians 5:16–17 NLT).

If you focus on the positive, it will help you deal with the negative. I want to be filled with the Spirit and under the control of the Spirit, living by the counsel of Scripture. Then the other things will sort themselves out. We need the help of the Holy Spirit. We can’t do this on our own.

Having said that, I want to point out there are certain advantages to being single as well as certain disadvantages. The same is true of being married.

When you are married, you make a commitment – and you have to take that commitment seriously. We are told in 1 Corinthians 7, “An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband” (verses 32–34 NLT).

The apostle Paul is not saying this critically, as though it is a bad thing to be married. What he is saying is that when you are married, you have to think of someone other than yourself. A husband has to think about how to please his wife, and a wife has to think about how to please her husband.

That doesn’t mean you still can’t please God. What it does mean is that you now have limitations in your life that you didn’t have before. When you are single, you are mobile. In many ways, you are free. That’s good. Use your mobility for God’s glory. Use your extra time to serve him and grow closer to him and pray about finding the right person.

As James Dobson said, “Don’t marry the person you think you can live with. Marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.”

My wife reminded me about something I didn’t remember saying when we first started dating many years ago. One day I turned to her and said, “Cathe, I’m going to tell you something. I am following Jesus Christ, and if you ever get in the way of my relationship with God, you are out of here.”

Cathe said she really liked that because up to that point, she always was trying to control guys. She wanted them to do what she wanted them to do. She told me, “When I found a guy who stood up and had convictions and thought God was more important than me, I thought, ‘That is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with.’”

Of course, someone might have the opposite reaction that Cathe did. They may say, “See ya.”

If that happens, then let them go. Trust God to bring the right person into your life. If you are single, wait on the Lord for the one he will bring to you. Maybe you know that person already. Or maybe you will meet that person tomorrow. Whatever the circumstances, you can start praying for your future spouse today. Pray for wisdom for the right person and the right timing. Once you are married, you’ll enter into a relationship that you want to last a lifetime.

8 thoughts on “A Few Thoughts for Singles”

  1. Amber says:

    Thank you for this word. It is nice that someone speaks for the singles and not only on marriage. The dating world can be very frustrating and exhausting.

    I like the way you put it…How bout we meet at church.

  2. Paula says:

    This is awesome. I have been thinkning lately that maybe I needed someone in my life and maybe I do but if God sends one my way I plan on saying the same thing. I love my relationship with God and I dont want anything to come in the way of that. I am 59 yrs old and been married and been single now for almost 10 years. God has a plan and if it is for me to have a mate then He will send him.

  3. Tara says:

    I’ve really enjoyed reading this message! It’s been on my mind about my own single life, but its given me the faith to continue to trust God in every situation of my life. I will continue to seek God first in everything, work for his glory and in due time may God bless me with the right person to come into my life.
    Thanks from Australia

  4. Beth Grant says:

    Ty! This was so true..on the point and needed in my life at the moment. I have been blessed and encouraged..even validated regarding a current need and prayer. Thank God for His grace patience and faithfulness that ALWAYS shine through in spite of me..when I seem Him!

  5. Wanda L. Chavis says:

    I agree wholeheartedly with Pastor Laurie, even the more as grow older in years. Speaking from a women’s perspective, I think we make the mistake of loving so much that we miss all the red flags in the begging of the relationship, to add to Pastor Laurie’s message, while you are dating, seek God, seek God throughout the entire time you are speaking with each other for him to reveal his will, don’t take for granted that just because you click, this is it, pray still, the enemy’s’ desire is to trick us and mess up what God has placed in us, so pray both of you, together seek his face, don’t rely on the other person to do the seeking but you seek God and listen to God no matter what the outcome is. I believe God wants us to be wise, and be an example of what true marriage is, the enemy’s desire is to deceive, bring pain, disappointment, and bitterness because of the choice we made. Let that go and recognize that God is a God of second chances, just remember to be more wiser, more sensitive to the Father. I will wait till my change comes, and if HE (the MOG) the father has for me does not come, I will love and serve him until the Father comes or I go to the Father for he has invested to much in me to allow it to be tainted. God bless you my father’s children.

  6. Paul says:

    Thank you for your words of wisdom.Last night I took my 20 y/o son for a ride and talked about Gods goodness in our lives.The conversation turned to dating and how many young women have asked him out in the last month at college.I was excited to know he took the Biblical stand without hurting the feelings of the girl.These are tough times for our kids but God will supply all our needs through Christ Jesus.I want the best for my kids but I know That our Heavenly Father knows and wants only the best mate for my kids.God is Faithful!

  7. Sylvia says:

    I needed this message. I married 3 1/2 years ago. My 2nd marriage. I thought I married the love of my life. He woke up one day and decided he didn’t want to be married anymore. He needed to find himself. It’s been a month and I’ve been upset and heartbroken to say the least. My faith help me through the strom. I know god has a plan I ask that you pray for me and make my suffering go away

  8. Lorraine Olivera says:

    I couldn’t agree more with ALL of this! Beautiful message. Thank no for these words of wisdom. I receive it. God bless. I will continue to pray for the right person to come into my life.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.